One of my new-years resolutions was to maintain a regular blog site. I have somewhat failed as I look back on the few posts I have actually published during 2019 to find out that - apart from an unfinished attempt in February - this is in fact my first one. And the aim of this particular post? To review my own 2019.
At least I can start off by acknowledging one of my failures. Luckily for me, however - and more so for you, my dear reader - I shall not dwell on this, as I am actually finishing this year on something of a high and may even go as far as to say I feel I have actually been successful in more ways than one.
To give this post a bit of structure, I have decided to review my year much like assignments you'd expect to find in the workplace or learning facility; with headings. I have broken my retrospective to answer three main questions:
Where was I a year ago?
Where am I now?
Where am I headed in 2020?
So let us begin...
Where was I a year ago?
2018 was a strange year for me. When I look back now, I feel that a lot of that year was lost for me, somehow. I had struggles mid-way through which caused me to take time out to re-evaluate and rehabilitate, and much of the year I felt like my little family pod was on the verge of a massive change - that we had been waiting for - only to have the destination pushed further into the horizon time and time again.
In December 2018, we were all living with Marie's parents. Although I am indebted to them for everything they did for us then - and continue to do for us now - I'm sure they won't disagree with me when I say that our living arrangements were less than ideal. We were all looking eagerly to the end point, knowing that at that stage we were still four months away. It was a struggle, every day I was riddled with frustrations at what seemed like every turn of my daily life. At times I felt like a failure as a husband and a father, not being able to give my family the perfect life. More on that later.
Professionally, I had returned to my full-time job two months prior and was "enjoying" my first Christmas back in the role. Only this time, I was a lot more aware of my pitfalls, but that didn't mean I wasn't at risk of losing my way, my sense of self and was immune to finding myself lost again like I had that summer. More on that later, too.
Creatively, I also felt as if I were stuck in some kind of wasteland. I tried to move forward with new projects, but with the exception of my children's story It's A Long Way To The Moon, I didn't have anything on the horizon that I was focusing on. Again, I started to direct the blame inwards and considered myself to be a failure in that sense as well. Maybe I was forcing it too much? Maybe I no longer had a place in the horror genre? Maybe I had reached my natural end-point as a writer altogether.
As is the case with all of these aspects of my life back at the end of 2018, there will be more on that one later.
Where am I now?
In my personal life, I am in the best place I think I have ever been. We finally moved into our new dream home in April and it has proven to be everything we expected it to be. Our children are growing up - albeit it a little too fast, it feels - and are blossoming into their own individual characters. For twins, I think this is always a beautiful thing. They have a bond that rarely be replicated and will never be broken, but we never wanted them to be treated as a package. And they are far from being the same as each other in anything!
In the workplace, I changed roles with my current employer in May and have found something which appears to meet most of my needs professionally. It may not be something I wish to do forever - as becoming a full-time writer will always be the dream - but at least I feel settled again, something I have not for a few years now.
Creatively, 2019 has been the biggest year yet for my writing. It has been far from my most prolific year - with only two new releases to boast about - but I have achieved more than I had done to date. I started the year having signed my publishing agreement with Cranthorpe Millner Publishers for my first children's picture book, It's A Long Way To The Moon. An exciting first half of the year was spent eagerly awaiting the next updates from the publisher and seeing what magic illustrator Greg Carter had created, as I was sent sketches and first drafts page-by-page. Out collective efforts came to fruition at the end of September when the book was released. The response I have received so far has been truly magical, and has helped restore faith in myself as a writer.
Around the same time, I also set to work on another goal I had set out some time ago - to marry two of my past releases together into one volume. I am referring to House of Courtenay and Blackgang: The Trickerjack Trail, which both expand on the back-story of my central character, the Trickerjack. The end result was a new novel called A Necessary End. With this, I also founded my own publishing company - Dead Men's Tales Publishing - under which I intend to release some further projects of my own.
The creation of It's A Long Way To The Moon, A Necessary End and Dead Men's Tales have provided me with something I so dearly sought in my years so far dabbling in the writing game...
Identity.
I finally feel I have purpose and direction again, and a clearer idea of things I want to achieve in the following year.
Where am I headed in 2020?
As far as my personal and professional lives are concerned - who knows? I am certainly not planning any major changes in the coming year. My family and I finally have a home to be proud of, and I couldn't be prouder of Marie and our children. They fill my soul every single day. The only wish I have for us for the coming year is for Marie and I to continue our lives together as close and strong as we are now - if not more so - as we watch our children grow. They are truly my inspiration. Each of them gives me something every single day to cling to and inspire me in some way. Even if it is to simply go to sleep at night thankful for everything I have.
Creatively, however, I have plans.
I'm not talking about world-conquering plans. At least not in the material sense. But I'm taking my newly-acquired focus and drive into the New Year to seek out and pursue any opportunity I can to finally out myself "out there". One thing I have always lacked is confidence in my work, which has stopped me from taking part in many opportunities to promote or talk about my writing. Cracking into the children's book market isn't the only thing that has given me this drive, but I will say it has been a major catalyst, It has opened up a whole new set of doors that I either never knew existed or believed to be out of my reach.
Even now, on the eve of 2020, I have a few things lining up for the New Year that will hopefully be only the start of this new journey:
- My first public library reading in February at Newton Abbot Library;
- Recently I have also opened talks with Exeter Library about a possible similar event;
- My audiobook for A Necessary End is taking shape and - I need to tell you - is one NOT TO BE MISSED! My narrator Dave Jackson is flippin' killing it!
- My follow-up to Long Way To The Moon is already signed to be released by Cranthorpe Millner in the autumn!
I have set myself a target of having three books completed (if not released) in 2020 also, one for each of my publishers: A Long Night For Santa (Cranthorpe Millner- as above, already happening!), finally finishing the first instalment of my new Wildermoor Resurrection trilogy, Poison In The Well (BNBS) and finally an as-yet-untitled follow-up release under Dead Men's Tales Publishing containing all-new short stories.
My message, if I have one, for anyone reading this going into the New Year (and new decade), is 'Don't just think. Do. Life isn't forever.'
Happy New Year everyone!